GOD BLESS THE CHILD

Help!
I am at my witts end. I am 41 years old and have raised my 17 year old daughter by myself. I married and divorced her father at a very young age, she has not seen her father since she was a baby. We are originally from a small town, but when she was 13 we maved to a big city, it has been nothing but problems since then. For the past 4 years she has been involved with drugs and alcohol, she has been kicked out of school because of ditching and behavioral problems, she is now home schooled, which she is not participating in. she has stolen money and other items from me, and now some of our fights have gotten physical. I am currently involved with a man who has recently asked me to marry him. The problem is that he has 3 children 8, 6, and 12 years old, his ex wife has custody but the children spend weekends and summers with us. My fiance has said that I need to do something about my daughters disrespect and obnoxious behavior. He doesn’t want it around his children and he can’t stand the fighting anymore. Recently she stole a ring from my fiance that was sentimental to him and now he wants her to go. I don’t know what to do, she is my only child and I can’t abandon her, I don’t want to feel like I’m putting a man before her. I have been alone for a long time, and I love my fiance, I don’t want to lose him, but I don’t want to lose my daughter either. I don’t know what to do, please help.
　



No worries, I’m gonna help alright. 5 words “straighten up or get out!”. there are so many issues here, let me go in one step at a time. First off, and the most concerning is the physical fighting, if your daughter feels like she is grown enough to fight her mother, than she is grown enough to get out and be on her own, it’s unacceptable, period. Her drinking and drug use is most likely a result of some type of unresolved pain she is feeling, I’m not sure what it’s from, it might be from the relocation, leaving her friends and family, maybe she had a difficult time adjusting from small town to big city life, or it could be the absence of her father, but whatever it is, I would suggest counseling, this is a prime example of 2 people who need an objective third party to talk to. It’s time for you to take control here, you can not allow her to disturb the peace in your home, I totally understand where your fiance is coming from, he has to worry about his own children and what they’re exposed to, and the fact that she stole something  that was sentimental to him,  let’s me know that she has absolutely no respect for you, him or your relationship. Your first priority is your daughter, it’s your responsibility to find her some help, and make it available to her. That’s it. Let her know that counseling and attending school is mandatory if she wants to continue living under your roof, and if she wants you to continue feeding and clothing her. I understand your aprehension about putting her out in the streets, there are other options. Maybe she needs a change of scenery, maybe there is a family member that might take her in, someone that she respects, and someone who will not allow her to run over them. You can look to the courts, boot camps, or scared straight programs work also. If you’ve tried everything you can, and things still don’t change, she has to go. She’s almost an adult now, you don’t have to sacrifice your happiness for someone who doesn’t respect you, even if that someone is your daughter. She needs to grow up, the real world is nothing like mommys house, if she steals from the wrong person, or puts her hands on someone elses mother, she’s gonna find her lil self in some serious trouble. You’re not helping her by protecting her from this, you’re only crippling her. Better she learn from you than someone else, but if she insists on continuing with her self destructive behavior, she will have to learn the hard way, which is honestly how most of us learned anyway, through trial and error. Don’t feel guilty about letting go if you have to, she’ll be back. Stay in prayer.