MY GOODIES!!!

Dear Nikki G,
I am a happily married woman , and have been for a year and a half. I am 21 and my husband is 43. My husband is a lot older but he treats me good and we love each other. The only problem I have is that he constantly wants to have sex. I know it seems like I should be the one always wanting it, but sometimes I’m just not in the mood, and he gets upset, and sometimes even accuses me of cheating, which I’m not. When we were dating we had sex sometimes 2 or 3 times a day, and sometimes we still do, but now sometimes I feel obligated to just because we’re married. I don’t want to push him into getting it elsewhere. Do you owe it to your husband to give him sex when he wants it?
　


You could start a war with this question. First and foremost I want to start by voicing my concern about the age difference. Now normally I wouldn’t, especially since my husband is 8 years younger then myself, and have dated both younger and older men in the past. But 22 years is a lifetime between a man and a woman. I’m wondering how long you dated this man before marrying him, and whether or not he’s been married before? You have to question a mans intentions when he’s dating a woman over a century his junior. I don’t think it’s out of the ordinary for a man his age to want to date a younger woman, for countless reasons, and not all are sexual. It’s also not unusual for women your age to seek older men, for various reasons. However marrying with this kind of gap in age and maturity is definitely something that hopefully you thought long and hard about before jumping into.
The answer is no. you do not owe your husband sex every time he wants it just because your married, nor should you feel obligated to. The tactics he is using to get sex from you such as, the cheating accusations, is his way of guilting you into it, and I’m pretty sure if you give in, you won’t enjoy it as much. Marriage is about compramise , and throughout your marriage you’ll find yourself doing a lot of it. Sex should be something both spouses enjoy, you’re not always going to want it at the same time, so sometimes as women, even if we don’t feel like it, we just go ahead and give him some anyway, but in your situation , I honestly think you should look deeper into why he married you. You need to make sure that his love, and this marriage is genuine and sincere and not some kind of sexually fueled fascination with young women mixed with a lil mid life crisis. You might find that the expectations he has for you , are not what you had in mind. This is why people should always have “the expectations” talk before getting married, both people should be open and honest and let no subject be taboo. Unrealistic expectations lots of times lead to disappointment. Step 1. Try talking to him and letting him know how it makes you feel when he pressures and guilts you into doing it, if you still don’t see a change, Step 2. Try not saying no. Maybe he feels rejected, try one of the old faithfuls like “I have a headache”, “I’m PMSing” or if things get desparate “I have diarrhea“, lol get creative now if these do not work, then you have to jump to Step 3. Look him dead in his eyes and calmly inform him that if he ever wants to get back in your cookie jar again, he needs to respect you and how you feel. It's just a sweet way of saying “get it together or your ass is going to be getting reaquainted with your five fingers for the next 2 weeks” lol good luck honey!